How to Have Hard Conversations

We are in a time where many people are speaking up and speaking out.

It is beautiful to hear new voices, young voices and bipoc voices emerging from our communities.

In the past few months we have seen a clash between ideas and ideologies that is reminiscent of the 1960’s.

Heartspace was created with the intention to have mindful, heart-centred communication to bring people together to connect in new ways that restores the community and each individual and reminds us of our humanity.

Below is an excerpt that I wrote for a blog, titled How to Have Hard Conversations.

  1. First feel your emotions. Your emotions have wisdom for you, if you take the time to pause and listen to them. They may even inform you in someway or lead you to a new understanding.
Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

2. Think about the root of the issue. What was it specifically that made you mad, sad, disregarded etc. Once you are able to discover the root of the emotion, it may start to neutralize the emotion.

3. Think of what you want to say to your friend or family member. In this step, put yourself in that person’s shoes to think deeply about what it will feel like to receive your words. Do this until you take the emotion out of it.

4. Then, be willing to have the conversation. Make an appointment in your calendar sooner than later so that you can speak to the person, you are in conflict with, before you let the issue/hurt/concern grow.

5. Next, speak to the friend or family member in person, call them or facetime them. Having these types of conversations in person is recommended because it is respectful and it reduces the chance of misunderstanding.

Do not text or email your friend or family member because it can be seen as disrespectful depending on the relationship, specifically if you are close. Texts and email can be misunderstood.

In person conversations allow you or your friend/ family member to ask questions for clarification that can be handled in person. If you wait too long to clarify information or address the issue you in the first place, you or your friend may start to create a story around what was not clarified or the initial hurt/pain point.

I once had a friend that was mad at me and I had no idea. She let months pass until she addressed it. When she finally addressed it, her message was drowned out by her emotion. And the time she choose to address it was also inappropriate.

6. Root your message from a place of truth and love. When you speak from that place, it shifts the conversation because you speak in a way that others are more willing to hear and are better able to receive.

I am speaking from experience with this point. I was a poor communicator as a child. I spent years in silence and I did not know how to express myself. I spent my later childhood, teenage years and early adulthood working on my communication style.”

This wisdom emerged after years working on my communication. It took time to learn how to speak up for myself, speak up for others and speak clearly in times of disagreement.

Communication is a skill that can be developed if you work on it.

Be kind to yourself as you grow your communication style.

Heartspace is here to help you develop/ nurture your voice.

When do you help someone?

When we are part of a group or team, we cheer on our fellow team mates, chant, or even do a special group gesture or dance.

When you are among co-workers, friends or classmates, how do you act? Have you ever done something, you didn’t want to do? Or say something you didn’t want to say? Have you ever silenced yourself so that you wouldn’t go against the group?

Groups are fascinating. They can get us to cheer each other on and raise each other up, but they can also get us to push others down and say things we may not mean or do things we don’t want to do.

When it comes to helping others, it turns out that a group can have the same level of effect on our ability to help another.

In the video below, by Soul Pancake, learn about the By Standard Effect and a phenomenon known as the Diffusion of Responsibility.

How often have you felt you should help someone but did not? Why did you make that choice?

Think about how often you have thought someone else will help someone in need?

At what times did you wish people helped you but did not? In what ways do you long to be helped?

Heartspace creates a space for us to slow down and reflect on our experiences so that we can choose a different course of action in a future situation.

Click on the following links to learn about our community events and private sessions.

Courage to Feel

“Emotions are data,” Dr. Susan David stated in her Ted Talk.

She is a professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School where she researched Emotional Agility and wrote a book on the subject.

Emotional Agility is the ability to navigate life’s tough emotions and accept them.

When emotions are denied, they not only become amplified overtime, but she points out that they eventually come out.

Her “research shows that, ‘the radical acceptance of all our emotions, even the messy, difficult ones is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true, authentic happiness.'”

Council, an event that HeartSpace Circle facilitates, is a practice that can helps individuals to better connect to themselves and others.

This heart-based communication practice fosters empathy and trust and creates a space for acceptance of self and others. People are invited to be honest about their experiences, which can include emotional honesty.

If emotional agility is something that you long for or is of interest to you, Council incorporates four intentions that allows participants to be authentic that create the space to build community.

Council is a practice, like meditation or yoga. It’s a space to be real. It is a space to build the courage to be seen before it become the way of being.

When we see ourselves, as we are, we are better able to see others too.

For more information on Council click here or to register for one of our wellness events click here.

May Virtual Wellness Series

May is a week away.

We are excited to extend our virtual wellness series through May. We have also expanded our offerings.

There is something for everyone from yoga to yoga Nidra, meditation to council.

  • We have 2 – 3 events per week.
  • All events are 30 to 60 minutes.
  • All classes are online.
  • All classes / events are donation based.

OUR CURRENT WELLNESS SERIES IS DONATION BASED. TO MAKE A DONATION FOR YOURSELF OR A LOVED ONE,  PLEASE CLICK THE FOLLOWING LINK DONATE HERE.

Scroll the list of events below.

MONDAYS

Join us for a Virtual Morning Meditation.

Start your day and week off with this mini guided experience.

HeartSpace’s Stephanie Marie Flores will facilitate the meditation using guided visualization and breath and awareness techniques.

Everyone is welcome from those new to meditation or the experienced yogi’s or mediators.

DISCLAIMER: Do not meditate while driving or operating machinery.

PRICE: Donations can be made via Square, Venmo @HeartSpaceCircle or via Paypal.

LOCATION: ONLINE

OUR CURRENT WELLNESS SERIES IS DONATION BASED. Donations can be made via Square, Venmo or Paypal.

TUESDAYS

Join us for a Virtual Council.

About this Event

Council is an age-old cross cultural practice that brings people together, in true community, for candid conversations.

Community is fostered in the practice through four intentions that allow participants to be present, connect and share stories based on a theme. (The theme changes each month which makes council a different experience.)

Guided by HeartSpace’s Stephanie Flores, a trained facilitator of the practice; a safe space is created for mindful communication to unfold.

BENEFITS: building relationships, trust, community, respect etc.

We’ve all had moments when we were a part of a group, and moments when we felt like we were outsiders. Join us as we explore the theme of belonging or lack of belonging.

PRICE: $10 Suggested Donation can be made via Square, Venmo @HeartSpaceCircle or via Paypal.

LOCATION: ONLINE

SPACE IS LIMITED to 12 people. (Depending on the demand we may schedule more for the month of May).

OUR CURRENT WELLNESS SERIES IS DONATION BASED. Donations can be made via Square, Venmo or Paypal.

Wednesday

Join us for a Midweek Mini Stretch.

LOCATION: ONLINE

Our gentle Hatha Stretch (for all body types) will focus on areas of
the body that are most effected by stress or continual sitting.

Variations of poses will be taught to make it accessible for everybody, please listen to your body during your practice.

DISCLAIMER: Modify what you need to and listen to your body. Please back off of any posture if you feel a burning, stabbing or pinching feeling, it means that you went too far in a pose.

Price: Donation can be made via Square, Venmo @HeartSpaceCircle or via Paypal.

OUR CURRENT WELLNESS SERIES IS DONATION BASED. Donations can be made via Square, Venmo or Paypal.

Thursday

Join us for a Virtual Yoga Nidra.

The Integrative Amrit Method (I AM) Yoga Nidra, also called Yogic Sleep, is an ancient sleep-based meditation technique that allows the mind and body to rest and relax into stillness.

Participants are either seated in chairs or lay on the floor (in shavasana), using blankets and props for added comfort and support.

Participants are guided through a series of breath, body and awareness techniques to move into progressive states of relaxation.

BENEFITS: Science has found that Nidra improves sleep, assists in pain management, smoking cessation and reduces stress, anxiety, depression, PTSD, lowers blood pressure and more. It is said that 45 minutes of Yoga Nidra equals 3 hours of deep sleep.

If done in the afternoon, Nidra can boost your energy, or if done in the late evening/ night it can help you wind down for a deep nights rest.

PRICE: $15 Suggested Donation can be made via Square, Venmo @HeartSpaceCircle or via Paypal.

LOCATION: ONLINE

OUR CURRENT WELLNESS SERIES IS DONATION BASED. Donations can be made via Square, Venmo or Paypal.

Virtual Wellness Series

This time in our lives is a huge adjustment for all of us.

Many of us may are getting into a routine or finding our routine changing daily. As challenging as it can be to maintain a routine it can be even more challenging to maintain focus, be present or rest.

While our busy lives are now confined to the home, it’s important to take time for yourself now more than ever to rest and pause.

Community and connection is needed now more than ever.

INTRODUCING OUR VIRTUAL WELLNESS SERIES

We have something for everyone.

You can start or continue your meditation or yoga practice. Or engage in authentic communication though our Virtual Council event.

All events range from 30 minutes to 1 hour to give you enough time to pause and get back to caring for your family, if you live in a multi-generational household.

See the list of events, dates and details below.

Join us for a VIRTUAL morning meditation.

Everyone is welcome from those new to meditation or the experienced yogi’s or mediators.

DISCLAIMER: Do not meditate while driving or operating machinery.

LOCATION: Online

VIRTUAL COUNCIL

Join us for a digital council.